Money Tool of the Month: Getting in touch with your values

What is really important to you about the holidays? What are you celebrating? Why are you celebrating?

Being clear about our values helps give direction to our decisions about how we spend our time and our money. This is true all year long, but especially during the holiday season. When was the last time you sat back and really considered what you value, what’s really important to you? Have you ever asked your spouse, or your children?

The holidays are an ideal time to ask these questions and reflect on your responses; while it is a very busy time of year, we are also naturally drawn to being more spiritual, to being more receptive to pondering these questions, if only we will give ourselves the time to do so.

For many families, the rush and excess of the holidays leaves them with a feeling that something is missing, but it’s difficult to name exactly. If you feel that way, what’s missing may be the connection between our many activities and what we feel to be truly important to our lives.

So, how to we get in touch with our values? One way, suggested by Mary Hunt in “Debt Proof Your Holidays”, is to take a few minutes to think about what feeds your soul during the holidays. Is it listening to a particular piece of Christmas music? Receiving a newsy card from a dear friend with whom you have lost touch? Giving a gift to a child who otherwise would not have received one? The peace and hope of a candlelight worship service? Watching a young child experience the joy of giving for the first time? These are just some ideas to get you started; actually sit down with pencil and paper and make your own list.

Next, finish this sentence: Christmas (Hanukah or Kwanzaa) is a time to…

Some thoughts others have shared:

reconnect with family and friends
reconfirm our faith
share our blessings with others less fortunate
rectify a hurt or forgive someone who has hurt us
remember a dear grandmother, gone many years now, by making her favorite recipe

Make your own list . Now think about all of the activities you have planned for this holiday season – do they include at least some of the things mentioned above? Just taking the time to think about these things will cause you to bring a different attitude to your celebrations. Others have found less patience for the shallow traditions, and more effort given (paradoxically, while feeling less stress) to incorporate the more meaningful ones.

An example: one woman was very stressed about getting all of her holiday cards out. Over the years, her list had grown to well over 250 names and addresses. At first, in her desire to remove stress from her holiday, she leaned toward cutting out sending cards altogether. Then, after reflecting on what was important about Christmas to her, she realized that she very much enjoyed reconnecting with close friends who now lived far away, for whom Christmas had become the only time to catch up. Her final decision? Cut out all the “duty” cards, and cards to family and friends she saw other times of the year, and send cards, with hand written notes, only to the 17 people she felt the need to reconnect with. Another woman, facing a similar dilemma, decided to call each of those people she wanted to reconnect with – but in January, when they would have more time to talk.

During the rest of the year, think again about your values, and this time, ask yourself “What is important about money to me?” and then “Why is this important?” David Bach, in his book “Smart Women Finish Rich”, suggests using these questions, repeating them over and over, to create a Values Ladder. This exercise reminds us that having money is not an end in itself, but rather a means to an end. It allows us to provide security for our family but it also allows us to pursue other non-monetary goals for our lives. Each particular “end” (what money is a means to) is unique to each of us; being clear about the “end” or the objective for our money should shape every money decision, from how much we make and our career choices, to how we spend, save and invest it, and whether or not we borrow money and for what purposes.

So this month, get in touch with your holiday values. And soon, get in touch with your money values. Both will go a long way toward helping you create financial peace of mind.

By Kim Corwin, CRFC, AFC, founder of New Leaf Financial Counseling